What would happen if the au pair invited someone to your home without your permission? How would you feel if the au pair entered your room without knocking?

In both cases, many of us might feel uncomfortable. Beyond the cultural and generational differences between the au pair and the host family, daily habits and customs also vary from person to person. Some aspects may seem obvious, but discussing them in advance can make a significant difference in the experience for both the au pair and the host family.

Parenting style and authority

This refers to how parents discipline their children, the household behavior rules and their possible variation at certain times, as well as permissions and restrictions (screen time, sweets or chocolate at the wrong time, taking children to certain places or activities that the family considers dangerous, among other examples).

Another important aspect is how the au pair is expected to interact with the children. This includes language, ways of reprimanding, tone of voice, and overall attitude towards them. Does the au pair have the freedom to correct the children's behavior, or is their role solely to care for them without intervening in discipline? What are the consequences for misbehavior?

Use of electronic devices or screens

A topic that can particularly lead to conflicts is the use of technology, both by the children and the au pair. How much time can the children spend watching TV or using electronic devices? Can the au pair freely use their mobile phone and other devices? Make sure to discuss the rules regarding technology use to avoid misunderstandings and disagreements.

Social media and online privacy

Opinions are strongly divided when it comes to privacy and the widespread use of social media. Is the au pair allowed to share pictures of the children on their social media? Is it appropriate to post content about the family? It’s important to agree in advance on what is considered appropriate to maintain privacy and respect.

Smoking areas or smoke-free space

If any family member or the au pair smokes, it's crucial to clarify expectations on this topic. Is smoking allowed in the house? What are the rules for so-called social smokers or those who smoke occasionally?

Visits and Outings

Meeting new people is intrinsic to the au pair experience. Defining the rules about family visits and outings in advance will help maintain good coexistence and avoid awkward situations. Can the au pair invite friends or family to the host family's house? How long are the visits expected to last? How often does the family receive visitors? What kind of social life does the au pair have or how much time does the au pair usually spend there? It's also crucial to set rules regarding the hours or frequency of outings that each party considers normal, as well as interactions with people outside the home.

Emergency Planning

Although no one wants to think about it, it's important to know how emergencies will be handled. The responsibilities and actions expected from each party in the case of an unfortunate event should be clear. Better safe than sorry.

Communication and conflict resolution

Even before disagreements arise, it should be defined how potential conflicts will be managed. It is usually helpful to schedule regular meetings to keep track of the experience and each party's perspective up to that point.

Ultimately, we all have our limits and they are all respectable. In the beginning, it is preferable to have a handbook with rules so that we know what we are willing to accept and what we are not. Over time, the rules can be relaxed as trust is gained and we demonstrate that we are responsible and keep our word.

The AuPairWorld Family Handbook as a boundary communication tool

The AuPairWorld Family Handbook is a customisable communication template developed by AuPairWorld (and available as part of the Premium Membership package) to help host families inform new au pairs about the details of the upcoming cooperation. It lets families give targeted information on exactly these points described above.