Disagreements during the au pair stay: FAQs

I am an au pair... 

• My host family does not respect the contract: what can I do?
• My host kids are aggressive, and I don't know what to do.
• The host parents argue often and there is a tense atmosphere at home.
• I don’t feel like part of my host family. What can I do?
• My host family asks me to do tasks that were not agreed upon.
• I found out that I am not insured in case of accident or illness.
• I am sick and my host family is asking me to work. Is this correct?
• My host family owes me money.
• My host family has terminated my au pair stay without giving me any prior notice.
• I have left personal belongings at my host family’s house. What can I do?

I am a host family...

• We have reached an agreement with an au pair, but they have stopped responding to our messages. We have no news from them.
• The au pair backed out and cancelled the contract after we had already arranged everything.
• The au pair expects too much pocket money.
• The information the au pair gave us does not match reality (no driving experience, smoker, etc.).
• Our au pair is not taking the position seriously and is not respecting the agreement. What can we do?
• The au pair left without notice and left us stranded.
• Our au pair shows no interest and has a different understanding of the basic idea of au pairing. Is there anything we can do?
• The cultural barrier is too big, what can we do?
• Our au pair invites people over without our permission.

I am an au pair... 

My host family does not respect the contract: what can I do?

Talk openly and honestly with them. Use the contract as a reference point and consider the possibility of modifying it. Make sure to comply with the regulations of the host country where you are staying. If the family still does not respect the contract, you can change families. If you have any questions, feel free to contact us.

My host kids are aggressive, and I don't know what to do.

Ask your host parents for advice on discipline or try doing something fun with the children to turn the situation around. The more confident and assertive you are with them and the more they see you as a big brother or sister, the easier it will be.

The host parents argue often and there is a tense atmosphere at home.

Conflicts involving the host parents may happen during your time as an au pair. Instead of taking sides, try to make them see that the tension at home affects everyone, including the children. Suggest going on a day trip, going out to dinner or simply watching a fun movie together. After all, you are part of the family.

I don’t feel like part of my host family. What can I do?

An au pair is a full member of the family: you take part in chores, activities, and meals. If this is not your case, talk to your host family right away. Good communication is essential for mutual understanding. Reflect on how to improve your situation and change what you can.

My host family asks me to do tasks that were not agreed upon.

Unforeseen events can happen at any time, and if you are flexible, your host family will appreciate this. In return, you could ask for an extra day off or a small increase in your pocket money, but don't let the exception become the rule! Stick to the contract.

I found out that I am not insured in case of accident or illness.

It is usually recommended to get insurance before starting your stay. If, for some reason, this hasn’t been done, talk to your host family and choose the insurance that best suits your needs together.

I am sick and my host family is asking me to work. Is this correct?

There is no rule that strictly requires or forbids an au pair from working while sick. However, if you are unwell, it will be difficult to provide proper care for the children. Ask your host family for a few days of rest or limit yourself to small tasks, like drawing with the children or watching a documentary together. If necessary, see a doctor.

My host family owes me money.

If your host family owes you money or has stopped paying your pocket money before the end of your stay, you have the right to receive what you are owed. The first thing to do is to ask the host family for payment in writing, using the signed contract as a reference. If you do not receive a reply, contact a lawyer you trust who can help you to give legitimacy to your request.

My host family has terminated my au pair stay without giving me any prior notice.

Normally, it is possible to terminate the au pair contract by giving prior notice to the other party. If your host family has not provided this notice, we suggest an emergency plan for this unexpected situation.

I have left personal belongings at my host family’s house. What can I do?

Try to get in touch with them to have your items sent. There are many ways to get your message to them. If you don't get a reply, contact us. We will be happy to help you.

I am a host family... 

We have reached an agreement with an au pair, but they have stopped responding to our messages. We have no news from them.

When an au pair suddenly cuts off all communication with you without an explanation, contact them to check if something has happened or if there have been any changes. Ask the au pair to reply within a certain period of time.

At the same time, update your profile as soon as possible and start looking for a new au pair right away. In order to avoid similar situations in the future, keep in regular contact with your au pair after an agreement has been made, especially by video call, and make sure you get to know them well beforehand.

The au pair backed out and cancelled the contract after we had already arranged everything

Update your profile and resume your search as soon as possible. Acting quickly in this case is crucial. If necessary, you can bring it to our attention.

The au pair expects too much pocket money.

The au pair may not be aware of the amount of pocket money they should be paid. Remind them of what au pairing is all about and what the pocket money is in your host country. If an au pair asks you to pay for their travel expenses, they may also be unaware of the fact that au pairs are responsible for their own travel expenses. In this case, remind them of the costs they are responsible for as an au pair.

For your own safety, it is important that you never send money to anyone or make any deposits. If an au pair asks you for money in advance, please contact us immediately.

The information the au pair gave us does not match reality (no driving experience, smoker, etc.).

Finding out something like this creates distrust and you may feel deceived. Calmly express your concerns to your au pair. If you are willing to work together to gradually rebuild trust, you may be able to continue the stay successfully. For example, if you expected the au pair to drive the kids to school but they lack driving experience, you could help them improve their driving skills, consider alternatives like public transport, or assign different tasks.

However, if you find the situation unacceptable, talk with the au pair in a respectful and assertive manner to terminate the contract and find a new au pair.

Our au pair is not taking the position seriously and is not respecting the agreement. What can we do?

During the first days of the stay, it is advisable for one of you to be with the au pair to guide them in their tasks and review the agreed boundaries. Your au pair may need some extra clarification about their role until they adapt to their new family context. If the behaviour persists, talk to your au pair about the possibility of a rematch.

The au pair left without notice and left us stranded.

It is uncommon for an au pair to leave without notice, and we understand this may be unsettling. As a general rule, an au pair contract can be terminated with a notice period.

Update your profile and restart your search as soon as possible to find a replacement. Then, inform us about what happened.

At the same time, try to contact your au pair to understand what may have happened and ensure they are okay. While the situation is being resolved, arrange a temporary solution for childcare, such as asking for help from family, friends, or exploring other alternatives for the time being.

Our au pair shows no interest and has a different understanding of the basic idea of au pairing. Is there anything we can do?

Review the au pair contract together, including daily tasks, schedule, and the basic idea of au pairing. Make sure you both have the same understanding of the au pair stay and set any necessary boundaries that were not previously defined.

If your mutual expectations are not aligned, you can come to an agreement on how to adjust them so that your au pair feels more comfortable, motivated or involved in the day-to-day life with you, even during their free time. Try to integrate your au pair more into the family.

The cultural barrier is too big, what can we do?

Both you and your au pair should learn about each other's culture in order to better understand your differences and take the time to really get to know each other. This is what cultural exchange is all about. For example, we don't all have the same habits when it comes to cleaning and cooking. One way to learn from each other is by cooking together as a family and then sharing the tasks of cleaning and tidying up the kitchen.

Our au pair invites people over without our permission.

If you haven't established certain rules with the au pair before the stay, now is the time to do so! Many au pairs like to be able to invite their parents or a friend over for a weekend, show them around their new life and introduce them to their host family. However, it goes without saying that au pairs should not take this for granted. However, it goes without saying that au pairs should not take this for granted. It is up to you to decide whether you are willing and able to have guests in your home. If the au pair wants to receive visitors, perhaps you could help in another way without having any strangers in the house. Do you know of a nice, reasonably priced hotel or tourist accommodation nearby that you can recommend?